I did it. I went shopping for baby girl, from now on she will be abbreviated BG not because those are her initials, wait for it, you will get there. I was pretty excited and looking forward to choosing the first outfit I would purchase. I kind of wanted to get her something to come home in. I already am thinking differently because I have no clue what the boys came home in. Pretty sure we just threw them into a sleeper or onesie and headed out. Spence has decided to start calling our savings "daughter fund".
Everyone had told me how fun it was to shop for girls, so as I stood in Carter's crying I was a bit taken by surprise. All week everyone had been asking how I felt about a girl and how excited I was. I am truly excited about this baby girl, but as I shopped I realized that I hadn't had this opportunity with our other daughter. It hit me in the store that the reason I have felt conflicted is because I didn't want to dishonor Rae. (I know this is a bit heavy, but I keep this blog to document my family's life. Not because of my thousands of fans, JK) I have since realized since crying in Carter's, that it is ok to continue to grieve and miss Rae, but at the same time be excited about BG.
So, I am sitting with a few pink items and anticipating more. I am thinking about how to add to our current nursery to make it girly with out losing my adorable fabric that I love (Jen, the designer who made our nursery and Zeke's big boy stuff, is alraedy brainstorming). I am excited to go to Target and get a frilly tutu. I am looking forward to bows and leg warmers. I just wanted to explain why I may not be screaming from the rooftops that we are having a gril is because we feel like we already have one. We just have yet to meet her. Another quick thing, this whole grieving process takes me by surprise still. I totally did not expect this and it made me realize how dependent I really am on Jesus for everything. But that's a whole 'nother post that I got rolling around in my head and heart for another day.
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