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Monday, March 14, 2011

I'm not capable, but He is

Here is another wordy, heavy post for ya.

As we have gone through the loss of our child people have been wonderful to us. We have been encouraged and loved on through our grieving in some of the most incredible ways. We have had Scripture prayed over us and quoted to us from friends, family, and even our doctor. This has been our greatest comfort. We know that our baby is in heaven that we will one day meet her. (we do not know the sex of the baby, but Spencer and I feel that it was a girl) We know that our best source of comfort must come from God. Some of the verses that I have drawn from are:
  • Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is near the broken hearted, He saves the crushed in spirit"
  • Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
  • Psalm 55:22 "Cast your burden on the Lord,and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved."
  • Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.."

In the midst of the wonderful things people have said, there has been something that I feel I need to acknowledge. People have commented on how strong I am or how full of faith I am. While this is wonderful to hear, and how I do wish it was true. I feel that I need to let people know where I find my strength and reason for faith. I have to confess I have had many moments recently where I have not completely trusted God. I have not believed that He is good. I haven't thought that He knew what was best for me and my family. I am so weak and so selfish. This is my fleshly, sinful side coming out. But what I have realized through this is that my God is big and He can handle all the junk I throw at Him. He can and does equip me to be able to handle the death of our child. He can and does give me the strength to get out of the bed and take care of our two boys. He has promised He has a plan for me and that it is good. And I am choosing to believe this. Here are some verses that have helped me through these moments of doubt:

  • Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength,a very present help in trouble."
  • Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."
  • Psalm 119:68 "You are good and you do good."
  • Nahum 1:7 "The Lord is good,a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him."
  • Psalm 61:3 " for you have been my refuge,a strong tower against the enemy."
  • Psalm 84:11-12 "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withholdfrom those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!"

I know that we will continue to have good days and bad days. I know that it will continue to be hard at times, but I also know that our God is good and I can trust in Him.

I am going to leave you with a quote from this past weekend. In the sermon, our pastor J.D. Greear, said this and it has really rung true for me "You'll never know God is all you need until you realize He is all you have." My prayer is that everyone who reads this will discover that He is all we have and all we need. Please know that Spence and I would love to talk to you more if you have any questions.

2 comments:

ImaYaYa said...

Love you baby girl...

Anonymous said...

I am the mom of Seth, who works with Spence. After our 2 boys, we lost our 3rd baby.I was 10 weeks pregnant and had already suffered with the vomiting and all the pregnancy ills. I have always felt tht the baby was another boy. I took comfort in knowing that our baby was "short circuited into Eternity" , but still really grieved. Others ,who had also lost babies, were a real comfort to me. Mother's Day 1987 was so sad for me. Little did I know that the following Mother's Day we would have our little Bethany (now married , a Schneider). I got pregnant the quickest , maybe due to the previous D and C. I still miss someone at our table, but I know that if we had not lost litle "Lee" that I would not have our sweet daughter . So, the bitterness has become bittersweet. I took great comfort in our sons. Give yourselves time to mourn and to heal from your loss. Diane Osborne.