Africa came to visit

Alright, I have neglected this post for awhile. So, get a drink, get comfy and dig in. My BFF Amber and her hubs (and his parents) came for a 3 week visit. Real quick recap: Amber moved to South Africa in 2009. The "plan" was for her to be there for 2 years as a Journeyman. Instead she met Trent and now they are married. I am beyond thrilled for her (even though quite a bit sad that Africa now gets her and I don't). She and Trent came into town so that everyone here could meet him and also for him to get a glimpse of her former life. It was a wonderful 3 weeks and I miss her terribly. I was so busy soaking up every moment with her that I took exactly ZERO pictures. These are all stolen from her family.

We had a reception for Amber and Trent. It was really cool. They incoporated things from their wedding in Africa. Trent got up and told about how God's hand has worked their relationship to be. Trent got to meet a lot of people from around here all at one time, fun was had.

We hung out at Duke Gardens one day. I dressed my boys in their UNC gear. Trent played soccer with the boys, and Amber showed us all the different plants/flowers.

We celebrated Trent's bday at Hardees (his choice, I know right?!)

Amber and Trent are both rockstar musicians. (as in they played for a Piper conference in Africa, yeah and they met him). They played with our band one Sunday morning.

We prayed for Trent and Amber before they left. This is literally moments after she and I clung to one another and said our goodbyes. Oh, and Danny was recounting the "I called it" story about how he predicted their relationship years before Amber even moved.

Trent and Amber came bearing loads of fun gifts. We haven't tried all the goodies and I also haven't taken pictures of us trying everything. (I know, I've been slack) Here are a few:

Yummy RSA chocolate cookies

Spence gave a thumbs up

Zeke gobbled it right up

Ben kept saying YUMMY

These are like M&Ms, but a thicker shell

This is the weird picture on the back of the box.

Spence likes

Ben really likes

And Zeke devoured them

My new charm

I know I told you that we had a name for our baby that we lost. We wanted to share the name with our family before we posted. This coincided with me getting my newest charm for my necklace, so I thought that would be a perfect way to tell you. We lost our sweet girl at 11 weeks. No, we do not know for certain that our baby is a girl. Spence and I both really felt through the whole pregnancy that she was a girl though. The pregnancy was different from my boys. I also had checked out the Chinese gender predictor thing and it was predicting a girl (who knows how accurate that thing is though). We decided for getting some closure that we would choose a sex and a name. We immediately knew that we thought of her as a girl. I knew exactly the name I wanted and knew Spence would fight me (he hasn't ever really liked it, says it reminds him of Ray Barone, he currently calls her Joanna and I call her Rae). Rae is what I have always wanted to name a daughter. Rae was my middle name before getting married. My mother's maiden name is Ray. This meets the family criteria we have. So, we would cal her "Rae". I found Joanna while searching for Biblical names. Joanna is a form of John. It means "gift of God". We chose this name because we want people to know that even though we will not meet her on this side of heaven, we still believe she is a gift. We know that getting pregnant was God's plan, we also know that He knows the number of our days. We know that He planned for us to not meet her yet, but one day we will...

Benjamin is a year and a half!

Profile of an 18-month-old Benjamin

We go to the doctor on the 14th, so I will update then.

Enjoys: being outside, shoes, snacks, saying "KEBA" and calling for Keva, but then ignoring her Turn Offs: coming inside, being away from mama, being told no Strengths: can do physical things that he should not be able to do (we found him on a shelf above a desk recently, and he can lift things that are probably 1/3 of his weight), adores his brother and imitates him well,

Vices: tantrums, yelling "MINE!", throwing things

Favorites of an 17-month-old Ben: Foods: french fries ("Prench Pry"), fruit, most carbs Songs: My God is so Big, Wheels on the Bus, God's With Me (not sure this is the title, but it's a song we sang at Family Worship Nite last week) Shows: Tinga Tinga Tales, new show on Disney (one complaint, it is set in Africa and I am pretty sure they do NOT have Jamaican accents there)

Books: any library book we have

Activities: putting shapes into the sorter, climbing ANYTHING

New Words: I am sure he has new words, but what has amazed us this month are his sentences. He is just talking so much more and putting together 3 and 4 word phrases.

How 17-month-old Benjamin is like his...

mommy - apparently insomnia is running in the family lately :/

daddy - loves being outside

Moments to treasure:

Such a big boy when go to the museums now

Is into pretend play already

100% all boy

Is pretty game to let me try stuff (at least until he starts crying)

Teeth, Teeth, Teeth

Anytime we head into the bathroom, this is what Benjamin chants. It is great that he likes to brush his teeth, but really all day? And he does NOT like for anyone else to brush his teeth (meaning me). Zeke was the same way and now lets us not only brush but floss his teeth. Yes, we already floss his teeth, but only a couple days a week. The dentist said to go ahead since he has some tight teeth. We used to have serious trouble remembering to brush the boys teeth. We only had their toothbrushes in our bathroom. So, if they happened to be in with us in the morning and we remembered, their teeth got brushed. A couple weeks ago, I put toothbrushes in all three bathrooms. We have increased our brushing by leaps and bounds! So, hooray for good hygiene!

Just cause they are cute

Here are a couple pics of the boys together recently. One from home and one from their week at Nana and Bampa's. I just thought both pics were cute, and they show that they are enjoying doing things together lately.

Is it a boat, an airplane, or a car? A box can be whatever you want!

Sweet boys at Nana's

Right Now

I want to be very honest on this blog. I want to be as real as possible. We are not really sure how to get through this. We are taking things moment by moment. We have good days and bad days. I am trying to sort through all the feelings that I have right now. My hormones are insane and all over the place. I have moments where I feel completely out of control. I still cry at times uncontrollably. I am still having dreams, so I am not sleeping well. (this of course doesn't help with everything else) I still have days where I just feel very blah all day. And of course there are always reminders of life moving forward when I just want it to be frozen at times. We have had some hurtful things said to us. I know that people are really trying to be helpful, but some of them have just been hard. I am not going to say the specifics because I don't want to hurt any one's feelings. I do want to caution people to think through what you are going to say. I know from both sides that it is hard to know what to say in these kinds of situations. I know what it is like to not know what to say, so trust me on the "sometimes it's better not to say anything". Here are some guidelines for when you are trying to figure out what to say: Don't try to offer explanations for why this has happened. Don't offer unsolicited advice, but do offer yourself as a willing person to process this with. Treat this loss in the same way you would any other child's death, it is the same as losing a baby that is 3 months old (or other ages). Spence is really good about reminding me to be gracious in these situations. And I am working on it. If I have responded in an ungracious way to you, please know that I do not mean to be harsh and I am sorry. For every accidental hurtful thing we have had said, we have had 3 or 4 kind things said. This has really helped. A couple of these have been a sweet salve to our very open wounds. Women who have told me that my blog was the words they couldn't find when they have gone through this. People who have told me that they woke up in the middle of the night with a burden to pray. People who have encouraged us that we are grieving well and in a God honoring way. I am not saying these things to bring glory to myself. I am not trying to be the best at blogging through grief or win an award for having the most people praying for me. Our ultimate prayer is that our baby's death will bring other's to the saving knowledge of our savior. We have some people very dear to us that do not have a personal relationship with the Lord. It actually hurts me that they may never get to meet our sweet girl (if you didn't know, Spence and I decided she was a girl. We have picked out a name, but I have a sweet way to share it and that will be coming soon). No, I don't want anyone rushing to an alter call because they want to meet my child. I want them rushing to the arms of the Only One who can save us from all our hurts. I want them to desire being held by our God who is Mighty to save. I want people to see that I am yearning more for Jesus than ever before because I have been greatly confronted with my need for Him. I would love to talk to you more about how we have found comfort in the cross. Some verses (yes, I am still adding to our verses that are plastered all over our house) that are really helpful right now:

• Rev 21:4 "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."


• Isaiah 25:8 "He will swallow up death forever;and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces"


• Ps 119:28-30 "My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word! Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law! I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your rules before me."

Books for Laura

We have a sweet girl that we adore. We actually adore the whole fam, but that's another story. I met Laura when she was barely a teenager and already serving in kids ministry at our church. She is one of those people that is just a natural with children. Back then we trusted her with scores of kids that she was barely older than, now she is all grown up and attending UNC. (PRAISE the Lord that she stayed close!) We now get the full expertise of her kid loving with our boys. **Cute story from the most recent time she babysat. When she walked in, Zeke said "Who's that kid?!" OK, back to the point of this post. Laura has a HUGE heart for orphans. She has been to work in an orphanage in India and will be returning this summer. She has all kinds of great ideas for helping her raise support to get her there. (Check other posts on her blog for more info on that) She wants to also help the kids in some creative ways. Check out this post to see more: http://aneverydaytarheel.blogspot.com/2011/03/books.html **Also, if you check out her post from a few days back, you can see a pic she captured of Ben when he was being a little less than friednnly to her :)